Do you have the right to be mad, yes you do!!! But I ask you, do you have the right to live, the right to be happy, the right to be in peace?
If you say yes, then please know that what you cannot have those things if you are holding on to the past.
A un-forgiveness lifestyle is a false perception that we are in control of the situation but we are also winning because we are making the other person suffer. We think that we are making the person(s) suffer but we are really suffering by killing ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
When operating in bitterness, anger, rage, resentment, and un-forgiveness, essentially it is not you in control of the situation you are being controlled by your emotions, by the situation and you are giving power to the your offender. There is a quote and it says, “Whatever you hold on to with tightly closed fist will eventually hold onto you even tighter.”
So suffering you are by not only being hurt by the offender but also by not letting go because you are making yourself relive, rethink, re-feel what happened over and over again……It is time to let go and one way of doing that is by releasing your expectations.
So how do you do that? You have to face the reality face the situation for what it really is.
- Did they hurt you? Yes!
- Are you mad? Yes!
- Do you have the right to be mad? Yes!
What do you feel like your owed from that person, your mother, your father, your ex, your husband/boyfriend, your co-workers, neighbors, or friend?
- An apology
- A hug
- Kind words
Here is the kicker.
- How long are you willing to kill yourself while you wait?
- How long have you been waiting thus far?
- What if they never give you what you are expecting?
Just think about it. You have been waiting and living this long without it, so why not finally begin to live life without it and without expecting it.
Besides, what if they did, can you honestly say that you would be instantly healed, that all of your ill feelings will diminish after all this time. For many, it may be appreciated but if you are living a un-forgiveness lifestyle the walls and demeanor you have created has become a part of your personality and it is going to take work to undo what un-forgiveness did to you.
Whatever you feel that is owed to you, I am asking you, maybe even telling you, ok how about I am heavily suggesting that you let it go. If you continue to place your expectation on those who hurt you then you must begin to accept and expect the consequence that comes from the non-delivery of the expectation that YOU put on them.
They are going to be true to whom they are. They are going to be who they are, that is the reality. Oprah says, “When people show you who they are believe them.” The time for their change and healing has not come yet. If your expectations do not align with the reality of the situation then you will constantly be disappointed. Hold them accountable for their misdeed but hold yourself accountable for your own life and let go of your expectations.
List everything that you feel that you are owed and then give it to yourself times 100. Some examples are:
- So if you are owed an apology, look within yourself and think about the mistakes and bad decisions you have made and apologize to yourself, forgive yourself.
- If you are owed money, begin investing money now(no amount is too small), start saving, spend less, create reasonable spending habits, change your mind set in regards to money, stop sowing seed into chaos, before lending out money, pray on it
- If you feel you wasn't love, respected, appreciated, etc……treat yourself with respect, tell yourself your beautiful, hug yourself, pamper yourself, enjoy your own company, compliment yourself. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated.
It may sound simple but every day we as women look for someone to fill us when in fact, we should already be whole and in anyone we get into a relationship with (does not just apply to a mate) they should compliment what we already are. Make yourself whole instead of waiting on others to make you whole. Ladies, be accountable for your own life. Don’t put off what can be done today for tomorrow
Forgiveness Heals, Un-forgiveness Kills….you decide!
Sharisa T. Robertson, Forgiveness Facilitator and Founder of Lilies of the Field
Sharisa Robertson is our first writer in our "Call to Action" blogs. My request was to find writers that would be willing to share their expertise, but also supply you with tools to use in real life. Yes we know there's issues, but what steps can we take after we finish reading to help us take action..
I would like to thank Ms. Robertson for her contribution to helping women "Step Into Their Greatness".
To find out more about Ms. Robertson and her contributions to making this world a better place just click the link below.